It starts with one....

I have been registered with Blogger since 2007 and this is the first post I have ever written. I had every intention of starting a blog, I swear. But of course I failed in execution. But here I am, on a Saturday night. Writing a post. I guess it should all start somewhere.

I intended to start writing back in January when the ex and I broke up. I was heartbroken and I didn't know what else to do with my time or with my grief. Obviously going to the gym wasn't an option I decided on as I am now 25 pounds heavier. That needs to change too, by the way. Maybe this will become some sort of weight loss blog? Let's see. Well, anyways, now it's December and not much has changed since January. Well, nothing good has changed.

I take that back. One thing is different from the me 11 months ago in comparison to the me now: I am no longer heartbroken since the breakup. I remember being so shattered. My whole world changed in a matter of hours. And since I kept my almost 3 year relationship a secret from my family, I couldn't confess or confide in them, specifically my mom, what was wrong. It was obvious something was wrong, I was severely depressed. It was written all over my face. And when she would ask me, "Are you okay?", all I could do was lie. I told her I had a lot on my mind or made some other sorry excuse. When in reality, I was dying on the inside. 

But after a few rebound flings and time (it's true, time does heal wounds), my heart hasn't completely healed, but I am leaps and bounds better than in the beginning of the year. But for a long time I had this idea I needed a new boyfriend to replace the old one. I was on a bad search for a guy. But now, and just recently, I have become very comfortable being alone. But this just happened maybe about 2 weeks ago. Dating is exhausting. I'm just gonna see how things evolve on their own.

What I know for sure is this: I'm not happy. I'm not happy with the way I feel, the way I look, or the way my life is unfolding. 2012 was a horrible year for me. Horrible. Just.... bad. And I can't have 2013 turning out the same way. Right now, it looks like its going down the same path. So, it's time for change.

And one of the changes I will be making is handling my anxiety. I have been dealing with anxiety since September 2011. I have high anxiety. And recently it has gotten worse. It's, basically, ruining my life. But Monday I have my first (and hopefully last) hypnosis session.  Wish me luck.

But for my first blog entry, I'm done. I hope this becomes a habit.