Lay down, relax

In my last post I wrote about my life with anxiety and rundown on how it's basically my existence as I know it. In the last few months it has gotten worse, since September, when I came down with a case of the summer cold that had me sidelined for more than two weeks. My symptoms since then have worsened.

I had been researching hypnosis for a while now, but was always afraid of the price tag. I've heard how well hypnosis had worked on smokers and people with phobias, like bugs. And in doing my research I saw that hypnosis can also help anxiety. Ah! A solution, I thought. And at this point I was, and am, desperate. My quality of life was poor. Afraid to go anywhere far if I had to drive, getting anxiety after having just one cocktail. The weirdest situations were triggering my attacks.

A few weeks ago my best friend, my oldest friend, Brian had been talking about how one of his coworkers had gone to hypnosis to get over her fear of bugs and how it had worked. It was the best money she ever spent, he boasted. One day at work I just called and spoke to Joe, the hypnotist. He basically asked me why I needed hypnosis and sought his help. He told me he could cure me. Hearing those words had brought a sense of hope into my life. Then I asked the scary question: how much would this solution cost me? Now looking back, how could I ever question the cost of piece of mind? Of having my life back?! But when Joe told me it was going to be $175, I was floored. I was expecting at least double that! Joe assured me that he had done helped others with my kind of problem numerous times before no was positive I just needed one session. I scheduled for the next week right then and there.

I was so excited, so hopeful. This was my last resort. Nothing has helped until now. I told all my friends. And bless them, they were excited for me too. Finally, the day of my appointment arrived. My brother drove me to my appointment that evening since it was far from home and I don't drive the freeway (I know, I know, I should go to hypnosis for that too). It was in an industrial part of Irvine and we arrived early. Joe's office was small, but nice. He was very friendly and I felt so comfortable with him. You could tell he was trying to make me feel at ease.

Joe had me tell him what was going on and what I wanted to accomplish with hypnosis. I told him, basically, I wanted to get rid of this anxiety forever. He promised that after that night I would never have to worry about anxiety again. Hearing such a promise, after months of suffering, brought me to tears. I basically fell apart. I was so hopeful and so tired of living this way that the idea of never having to worry about this again, I couldn't imagine it. We then got to work.

I laid down on his sofa and closed my eyes. Joe had indicated some people remember nothing from their hypnosis experience while others remember everything. I remember everything, I was aware the whole time, but I do remember feeling so calm and relaxed. In a nut shell, he had me go to a place of calm (which for me was Maui, my happy place) and had me face my anxiety with some examples and so on. A hour and a half later we were done.

I was advised I could have some hesitance, that I may not believe it had worked. The first two days I was convinced it didn't work. I cried at work to my friends, disappointed. I felt like I was let down. This was suppose to be my saving grace! Why didn't it work? I was heartbroken, really. After speaking with Brian that night and the next, he told me his friend who had done hypnosis with Joe felt like I did at first. That she still felt anxious and nervous about bugs, but it wasn't as bad as it had once been. I had to think about it: I did drive home and to work which was something I wasn't doing. And although my heart raced through the canyon, I didn't have a panic attack. Something in me said I went going to have one. Was this progress?

It's been a week and a day since my hypnosis. Yesterday I had some problems because of traffic jam in the canyon beyond my control but I made it. The sensation in my mouth still happens. But I try to tell myself that I no longer have anxiety, that I will no longer have a panic attack. That I can drive. It's no big deal! I think I'm finally believing it. I do want to do hypnosis one last time. But this time talk about my mouth sensations. But all in all, I think it did help some.

But only time will tell. And I hope it tells me all is getting better.